My plans

I have been re-reading Francis Chan's "Crazy love". He says in it "I get nervous when I think how we've missed who we are suppose to be." And I know there is something wrong.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8- 9 (ESV)

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11(ESV)

Many have seen me and Dee try. We go into the church on Sunday morning a bit early, along with the band and get set up to record. Then later in the week some see us working Tue. or Wed. sitting at the desk at edit until the sermon is edited down to what sounds complete and good. It is always a pleasure to record and then later edit down listening to the sermon a second time. It’s always easy to get a good sermon, when you have Holy Spirit filled men like we do at WellSpring Bible Church.

But I knew something was wrong inside. I kept on recalling a memory back to when I was working with Mike Harris at KDOR-TV 17 “The All-American Network; subsidiary of The Trinity Broadcasting Network. I remember when The stations, at the time owned by Sonny Arguinzoni   and Nikki Cruz, were sold back to TBN. This was a great time personally for me and Dee, we were expecting our fourth child, we had rumblings that All-American Network may become its own network without TBN, so we were thinking of trafficking 24 hrs a day 7 days a week programming.

Then the news came we were sold for a profit of eighty plus Million dollars to TBN. My hours went down, my colleagues moved to different employment. And the station was going to have a new General Manager from TBN, to say the least things went downhill from there.

As a newer employee at the TV station, I had my hopes set that this would be the one big break for me to spread my wings and fly, to set off on a new venture. I told my manager Mike Harris, and great brother in Christ, that I was scared, mad, and didn’t know what to do. Why did God allow AAN get sold and ruin all our plans. He said we may never know but know that God is in control of all things and wasn’t surprised by this news. God will make a way for all of us.

The year’s flew by it is now 16 years since I left TV Broadcasting. Last year in March of 2015. We were given an opportunity to record for WellSpring Bible Church, with the hopes of reaching more via web and social webs. It was going great at the time, but still I knew something was not right.

For months of planning and strategizing on how to market WellSpring and the Pastors there to get more views online was my only focus. Only focus! My life is not a bed of roses, I suffer from Dissociative Identity disorder (formerly called Multiple personality disorder) with this I have moments of flashback pain and memories, anxiety and depression. Some of the time I was not even able to make it out of my bedroom let alone go out to edit. And this is where I am now, I have been all week thinking about the plans i have made and now knowing there is still something wrong.

Just like my time at the TV station this is not my full potential. There is something else God has planned for me and my wife to do. It was my first thoughts as I was moving my family from Oklahoma to Alliance, Ohio in June 2012. I had a friend of mine in Tulsa say to me that I have always thought too little of myself and the limitations I put on myself is awful. And it has limited my, demeanor, my consciousness, my reality, my walk with friends and family but most of all it has placed God in a box, keeping Him safe for just me. Only allowing God to shine through others and other things staying in the background. I have been hiding the light that Jesus died for, hiding the light The Holy Spirit has been working in me.

I am blogging this to publical say that I repent of hiding the Light of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, from all  around me, all people God places in my path to shine the light of Jesus Christ to. This is my way of saying that I am going to go from this day forward where God allows me to go. I may have these mental issues, and a body that is not working with me, mainly my legs, in which I am starting physical therapy Monday the 15th of August.

It is time for me to prepare myself for them mission God has sent me here to Alliance to do. Please pray with me as we go forth on this journey.

Thanks,

Kevin