Hello anyone and everyone who still reads this little ole
blog. It's been a long time since I wrote a personal post but this past year
and last year has been a long and personal tough journey and I just wanted to
briefly tell what has been going on.
Last May 2019, I started online classes with Southern New
Hampshire University, seeking a degree in of all things Psychology. It has been
a tough road taking these classes with my personal life going through tough
times with my sons and their journeys that has taken them out of my house and
into their own lives, it’s been a mixture of emotions but it has been worth it,
they are both succeeding in their new
lives.
In August of 2019, I lost my older brother he died of heart
related issues. I miss him so much it has been a weird new normal for me, I
have learned though that God is still God and is still the Loving Father that
has comforted me as I search this earth for my path in school. It was really
tough having to continue my classes and mourn his death and help my
sister-in-law cope and find her new normal too. I love my family and Connie my
sister-in-law is now my sister We love her and want her to succeed to in this
new world we all are living in.
This last bit of update is my hardest one to admit to, but it’s
my life and the news is quickly becoming part of my new normal and getting into
the mainstream of people finding out so I might as well talk about it. In
September 2017 my pastor, at the time, was made aware of my secret life that I
was "leading". My personal blog on Tumblr was made public and members
of the church that formally attended, started talking about this blog to the
pastor and he and another pastor at church set me aside and told me that I need
to come to terms with my sin of pornography and bisexuality.
The past two and half years have been a self-loathing, hate
filled trip that my brother was helping me through. When he died I didn't know
where to turn so I did what I only knew
to do, admit it to myself, to my friends and family, my kids and everyone on
Facebook and Twitter in a set of post. Some friends have backed me up and have
supported me and still talk to me, other people that I thought was my friends,
dropped me like a bad habit. So here I am in 2020, openly making aware my
struggles with my past, struggles with sin, like everyone else, leaning on
Christ Jesus like never before.
I tell you what though, I have never known the lord Like I
do now. He still loves me. He loved me when i was trying so hard to hide the
fact that I am bisexual, struggling to be the person that God wants me to be.
Plus, dealing with the death of my brother, plus going through school to become
a Psychologist, starting a new career at the age of 48, soon to be 49. God
still loves me. Admitting to myself and the world my struggle in life has hurt
some so much that they left me and that is okay. I still have a support system
and I know that they do too. This whole life story has opened my life to people
in the LGBT community that I never knew was possible. I am still spreading the
Gospel to them and whoever wants to listen. Am I happy to be known as the guy
who never talked about LGBT things, now being openly Bisexual? NO! BUT this is
my life and now I do not have to hide it and live in fear of people finding out,
because everyone knows now. And my wife still loves me and so does my kids. And
I know God through Jesus Christ has
forgiven me for my sin and I now tread on forward, Spreading the Gospel of
Jesus Christ, living my life as an open book for people to see and hopefully
see that you can admit your sin to yourself, to family, friends and the world
and still be able to look at yourself in the mirror knowing that Jesus still
saves, still heals you from the pain of sin and death. Once I learned that this past almost three years, I have learned
the TRUE LOVE of Christ and now truly wait on his return for us, or for death
whichever comes first, knowing that I will live for eternity with GOD, forever,
For I am saved, delivered and healed. Do i still struggle with my sexuality?
Yes, we all struggle with sin still even being saved, delivered and healed from
sin but I don't live there anymore, I talk with God more now than ever,
listening to his deliverance when I am being tempted, The bible says in
Galatians 5: 16 through the end of the chapter how to live this life I will end
this post with His words that I will live by. Just one ending note, just
because I have opened up to the world my struggle with sin does not mean I love
that sin, no I wish it was not part of my life and one day I look forward to it
being in my past forever, but admitting to it was the first part of healing
from that sin. Until then here is God's holy Word:
Galatians 5:16-26
from the King James Version
16 This I say
then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh
lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are
contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be
led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works
of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness,
lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry,
witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings,
murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you
before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall
not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit
of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness,
temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that
are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in
the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26 Let us not be
desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
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